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Nobody Likes a Party Pooper
The “Mona Lisa Smile” technique
“Nobody likes a party pooper,” my Mom often said to me when I was a child. I honestly believe Mom was trying to help me, but she simply didn’t have the “right” words to say to a child suffering from depression and severe anxiety. She was hoping that I would “fit in” with the other kids.
At least it was better than hearing someone say, “Smile,” as though they were commanding me to show the world a face that denied my inner pain.
But I wasn’t a “normal” child, and the school principal insisted that my parents send me to a mental health counselor. That’s how I was introduced to my first psychiatrist.
I was diagnosed with OCD, severe anxiety, and depression. My doctor was very compassionate, and I am forever thankful for my good luck at having such a great first experience with a psychiatrist. He had the “right” words (along with the education) that were necessary to really reach a child that was frightened and withdrawn.
He’s the person who taught me about the “Mona Lisa smile.” “I know that you are very sad inside, that you just want to be left alone, that you feel different from the other kids,” he said. “But you still have to attend school and participate in life, and people will have a better response to you if you try a little smile: sort of a Mona Lisa smile.”
He didn’t ask me to to grin, to beam, to flash my teeth. He just asked me to try practicing a semi-smile. He understood my deep sadness, and he knew that I couldn’t just force myself to be happy. He just wanted to help me flow through the world a little easier.
And I did practice my Mona Lisa smile. I learned that putting on that semi-smile relaxed the muscles in my face; a prompt that reminded me to relax the muscles in the rest of my body, releasing stress and tension.
I’ve never been a natural smiler. I am still a very anxious person, and one of my behavioral therapy techniques is relaxing my face into that Mona Lisa smile.
It’s not that I have a “resting bitch face,” it’s more of an expression that says, “I’m concentrating really hard.” It’s a hyper-vigilant sort of look, that isn’t very inviting to others.
