"If you hadn't done X, then Y never would have happened." So well written, Kerala. I also hate it when white people say, "Well, if that had been my situation, I would have done . . .", as though they can even begin to understand the lifetime of stress and harassment of dealing with a racist society. As you so clearly write, where were these white people when you husband was a child and needed help? Most white people cannot tolerate the slightest inconvenience or dis; how can they even compare their experiences thinking the playing field was somehow equal.